Fear no more! – An extract from ‘A Trickster’s Guide to Happy Living’
Hi there, Trickster.
Today, I thought you and I could sit down and chat about limiting ourselves because of fears that aren’t actually ours. Do you know what I’m talking about? Sometimes, we borrow fears from others because we think it’s the only natural thing to do.
It’s true! Let me tell you a story. I once met this girl who loved to talk. Even more than I did. She could talk for hours if no one interrupted her. But whenever anyone handed her a mic, all the words would just disappear from her brain. Poof! Gone. Just like that. Now the strange thing was that it had nothing to do with the crowd. Get rid of the mic and she would be fine. It didn’t make any sense to her, so she just accepted it as one of her little quirks.
Then one day, someone asked her: ‘When did you first decide you had to be afraid of the mic?’ She looked at them like they were a fool. ‘It’s not something I decided,’ she fumed. ‘Humour me,’ they pleaded.
So she rolled her eyes and started thinking about the first time she felt her throat close up in front of a microphone. It was when she was in the fifth grade, participating in a poetry recitation competition. A day before the contest, when she was in her room practising a piece by Robert Frost, her sister popped in to wish her luck. She gave her a big hug and said: ‘Don’t think too much, okay? It can be kinda scary when you have to speak through a mic. I have never been able to do it. My voice comes out all squeaky and my palms start sweating. It’s horrible! Be prepared for it.’
Now this little girl, who didn’t know any better, borrowed her sister’s fear. Because she thought she had to. After all, it was only reasonable that she would feel the same things her sister had felt. Right? Now I don’t know exactly how it happened, but somehow, she began thinking she had stage fright, too. And she lugged around that fear for years and years till the day that person helped her realize it wasn’t hers to carry in the first place. Then, she neatly packaged it in a yellow cellophane sheet and sent it along its way.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not suggesting that it was a one-shot exercise. Of course, she spent time working on it afterwards. But the first step?
The realization that it was a fear she had borrowed from her sister years ago.
Which makes me wonder… How many such borrowed fears are you hauling around? Are they limiting the extent of joy you could feel in your life every day? Is it possible for you to let some of them go now?
Think about those times when you had the feeling of being sick to your stomach before you had to do something. Each time you felt your palms getting sweaty. Or your throat getting dry. Maybe it was before a math exam. A dentist’s appointment. Before you had to dance in front of a crowd. Give a presentation. Say no. Talk to someone new. Say yes. Have a conversation with an authority figure. Speak up for yourself. Or go skydiving. Catch my drift?
Were any of those borrowed fears? What if they didn’t really belong to you? Why don’t you write some down?
HOW MANY FEARS HAVE I BORROWED FROM OTHERS?
1. __________________________________________________________________
2. __________________________________________________________________
3. __________________________________________________________________
4. __________________________________________________________________
Nice work, champ.
Can I tell you something else?
Almost all of your fears are borrowed. Or learned. There have been studies that prove this. All of us are born with two fears. Can you believe that? Only two! Do you know which ones? The fear of falling and the fear of loud sounds. Ha! We learn to be afraid of literally everything else.
Think about a few things that you’re afraid of again. And ask yourself: ‘Is there any value in me holding on to this fear?’ The answer could be yes, sometimes. I mean, of course, there’s merit in being afraid of touching a hot stove. Hurray for no burns! But in some cases, the answer could be no, too. Like, there may not be a lot of value in not using your voice. Or staying small.
Recognize which fears don’t serve you anymore. Because acknowledgment is the first step to letting anything go. If that’s what you choose, of course.
The choice is yours, bud. It’s always yours. More on this later.
That was a good speech, wasn’t it?
I should be a speechwriter.
Somebody call the president.
See you tomorrow.
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Take this time to work on your self and your happiness with Simran Bhui’s A Trickster’s Guide to Happy Living. A collection of tidbits, activities, musings, reflections and borrowed epiphanies meant to steer your path along the journey of finding happiness. You will be asked to do something new every day. You will find no answers, just a whole bunch of wacky questions that will challenge your thinking pattern. Each page will encourage you to write, reflect, do an activity, or get your hands dirty. At times, you may even be asked to do things you have never done before. It may get a tad personal, but just stick around, all right? Because who knows, by the end of it, you may just find out that you are a trickster too!
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