‘A GLORIOUS MESS OF A MOMENT’ – A Note by Simran Bhui
There is a small chalkboard right in front of my bed, (not so) strategically placed so that it is the first thing I look at in the morning. It has one word untidily, and frankly hurriedly, scribbled on it: “Joy”. I mean for it to act not as a declaration, but as a direction; not as a noun, but as a verb. This is how I remind myself to rejoice, to take delight, to make merry. This three-letter word–joy–is my marching order each morning.
This does not, of course, mean that there is no space for other emotions to exist in my life. Quite the contrary, in fact. I hold joy because I also hold anger, grief, hope, and anxiety, but that’s a conversation for another time. For now, know that I talk of joy as a value I wish to pursue with intention, not as an emotion.
In recent times and especially in the past month, however, I’ve woken to my marching orders and felt… Confused. Uncertain. Like I was being pushed in a direction that did not make any sense.
Joy?
Right now?
Really?
These are incredible times, after all. We are all living through a global crisis. Humanity has been pushed, rather abruptly it may seem, into an unfamiliar terrain, into not knowing, into coming to terms with the fact that there are no answers yet, and that many, if not most, of our systems are broken and need fixing.
Like many others, there are times when I have felt overwhelmed and worn out. Hope and anxiety live in adjacent rooms inside my mind, and more often than not, I have had no idea who is going to step out. It is a glorious mess of a moment and I feel no shame in admitting that there have been days where I’ve been a glorious mess of a human being (I’m looking at you March 31, 2020, henceforth known as “The Day I Ran a Fever and Freaked Out).
So…
Joy?
Right now?
Really?
Well, here’s the thing, though: just as often as joy has asked me to take delight and make merry, it has asked me to slow down, to breathe, to be vulnerable. And at the risk of sounding like a stock article, here are three simple practices that have helped me turn to joy in moments of great overwhelm.
PRACTICE #1: THE REAL USE OF WALLS
You know that moment where you have a thousand different thoughts in your head? When your stomach flips, your throat becomes dry, your breath staggers, and your heart races? Super fun, isn’t it?
When this happens, I do something very simple: I place my hands on the nearest wall, and shift all of my focus on the sensation in my palms–the cold of a painted wall or the rough texture of one that has been shabbily cemented. It’s the simplest (often most accessible) thing I can direct my attention toward, and in a few moments, I usually find that my breathing has returned to its natural pace.
PRACTICE #2: THE BEST WAY TO BECOME A TREE
Honestly, this is one of my favorite activities and it requires a little imagination. I sit down on the ground, cross-legged and barefoot, usually under a canopy of soft lights. For the first few minutes, I concentrate on my breathing and on how the ground feels against my skin. After I’ve settled in, I start to imagine tiny roots–small and delicate–sprouting from the sole of my feet. Then, I visualise these roots getting stronger and stronger as they make their way deep into the Earth and plant themselves there, gently and firmly. I use these roots to release everything that my body is too small to carry. In the last few minutes, I breathe deep, thank the Earth, and reflect on the beauty and joy in surrendering (what I can, when I can).
PRACTICE #3: THE ONLY GOOD USE OF A ROLL-CALL
This is an activity from my book, A Trickster’s Guide to Happy Living, where I intentionally stop to notice all the emotions that I’m feeling in a moment. Instead of gulping them down, I acknowledge them. I look toward the emotion that is demanding my attention, and I call it out: “Anger, old friend, is that you?” And voila! That’s all it takes for me to step in and take stock of what I’m actually feeling. And when I open myself to feeling an emotion, it stops me from becoming that emotion. I don’t have to be a big mass of emotions anymore. I can simply be a person experiencing an emotion, instead.
I leave you with these practices to do what you wish with them: use them as they are, tweak them, or just disregard them. My hope is that wherever you are, you are safe and cared for. As you, along with the rest of humankind, learn to dine with uncertainty every night, I urge you to keep reminding yourself of a simple truth: joy is worth being vulnerable.
Want to say hi?
Write to me at hello@simranbhui.com.
***
SIMRAN BHUI is a writer, creative facilitator, illustrator-in-the-making, child whisperer and a very clumsy human being. She was born in New Delhi, India, where she grew up with her parents and two siblings. Simran majored in English Literature, Mass Communication and Political Science, after which she did her post-graduation in Liberal Studies from Ashoka University. She has a certificate in Basics of Psychology and a diploma in TV Production and Screenwriting from Osmania University. Presently, she works as a research consultant at Mentora, the Institute for
Life and Leadership.
Her book ‘A Trickster’s Guide to Happy Living’ is available on kindle.